#111

I was praying my heart out,
seeking forgiveness, mercy, faith,
and that one miracle we need.

Then I was given a trial.

My mother came to me.
She asked me to lie, to steal,
to kill my own honor,
just for us to get by.

One more day,
and by the next,
the cycle loops,
repeat.

I don't understand
why this is my trouble.

Am I being taught to be evil?
Is this what I must be?
Is this the desire of Our Lord?

My heart condemns
these unwanted
and evil thoughts.

But strangely,
ever so strangely,
I want to hold
to what little is left of me,
yet I don't think
I can stay the same.

Is this the mysterious way
Our Lord moves?
Is this what I'm being taught?

What am I supposed to do?

I'm scared.

I am seriously scared.

I don't want to change, but...

Is this really
what I must be?

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