Posts

#114

I was told my people would leave me. I was told not to put them before myself. I was told that once all the blessings are gone, and I am the one who has fallen, they would turn their backs on me. Yet, I have this strange feeling that I— for the life of me— can trust them. I can't shake the thought that whispers: I am surrounded by good people. I don't deserve them, yet they're here— playing along with my nonsense, laughing with me at the most trivial things... or maybe they're laughing at me. I don't know. I can't say for certain. But all I know is this: These people came into my life. They were sent to me, so that one day—or perhaps right now, I don't know— their purpose may be one of two things: To teach me trust and faith, and to leave me with good memories. Oh, I thank You, God, for giving me these people who stay with me while the world around me—and my own—crumbles. I thank You, God, for blessing me and surrounding me with good people and beautiful sou...
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#113

But I'm tired, Lord. I am very tired. I know I have failed You many times over, and perhaps this is punishment for many of my wrongdoings. But I didn't know it would be this hard. I am exhausted, Lord. The miracle promised for tomorrow keeps repeating itself, always becoming a promise for the next day instead. The emotions, the traumas, and the many experiences I am being taught through are overwhelming. I do not know if I can keep holding on to faith— a faith so thin, so weak, so easily crumbled. I am unworthy, I cannot deny that. But... Are all these troubles worth it for me? Oh, Lord... Please just... save me. Please.
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#112

And Heaven answered. Not with a voice, but with signs. A voice through a crowd of whispers, letters engraved upon fleeting moments, a form miraculously etched within the background. "You are not meant to be evil. I will not let you become so. All I ask of you is to change for the better. Move forward. Do not remain the same. You are meant to grow. This is My way of telling you to be better."
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#111

I was praying my heart out, seeking forgiveness, mercy, faith, and that one miracle we need. Then I was given a trial. My mother came to me. She asked me to lie, to steal, to kill my own honor, just for us to get by. One more day, and by the next, the cycle loops, repeat. I don't understand why this is my trouble. Am I being taught to be evil? Is this what I must be? Is this the desire of Our Lord? My heart condemns these unwanted and evil thoughts. But strangely, ever so strangely, I want to hold to what little is left of me, yet I don't think I can stay the same. Is this the mysterious way Our Lord moves? Is this what I'm being taught? What am I supposed to do? I'm scared. I am seriously scared. I don't want to change, but... Is this really what I must be?
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#110

Lord, forgive me for my sins, thoughts of sin, and those misdeeds I've done that I failed to recall. Oh! I know they are all too many. Thank You, Lord, for all the good things that have happened, will happen, are happening, and also for all the miracles I failed to notice. Your grace knows no bounds toward me, who all along have been unworthy and undeserving. Forgive me if I covet more than what I only needed, for my eyes are judging, sinful, curious, and greedy. Help me, Lord. Please. Help me, Lord. Please. I am surrounded by enemies. I am being forced to answer for things I cannot pay. I'm afraid, Oh, Lord. I know my faith is ever too little, and every day, I feel more the vastness of the sky than I do Your presence. I feel I am moving further and further away through these trials You deem necessary for me. I'm afraid that one day I might utter true renouncement, which I know would hurt me more. Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Please save me. Please, Lord! Please! Aid us. Please, end...
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#109

In someone else's dream. In someone else's dream. In someone else's dream, you and I were more. No. We aren't the main characters of their story. We're mere passersby. Side characters. Souls in the background— faceless, without colors— but... we're more. You and I. We are more. In someone else's dream, we are more. I'm glad to have met you, again.
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#108

Elsewhere, they meet. Their happy ending was never in their story to begin with. It was in someone else's. And only those who knew their story, only those who were lucky enough, were able to witness truly, the happy ending everybody wanted.
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