#94

How could the world make even I conspire

when all my life I was ordered—
I was told—
I was asked
to be fair,
to be just,
to believe in what is right,
to have faith in kindness,
to... obey what is good.

And all of a sudden,

I was told to—
I was asked to—
I was ordered
to lie,
to remain silent in front of injustice,
to be unfair
when there is nothing to gain,
to lose faith in the goodness
I was once taught.

"It's for the country," they said.

"It's for your family,"
I was told.

"It's for your own good,"
the only reason given
for me never to disobey.

And so I did.

And so I did.

And I can't,
for the life of me,
remember what I'm supposed
never to forget.

Something felt amiss.

Something became lost.

Some things never felt the same.

I'm going to hell, ain't I?

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