#31

Somehow,
I still fear the afterlife.
I’m no longer concerned with the consequence;
the pain will be—
so much… but
it’s just one moment.
Then it’ll fade.

I know it’s both cruel and cowardly of me
to have these thoughts,
to even want it.
But can’t I have a moment of reprieve?
Just this one fleeting instant of eternity
where I’m in control.
I know I’m not brave enough, but
each day I’m getting more and more convinced
that even a coward like me could do it.

It’s only a moment—
a single breath, a sigh—
that’s how long this eternity would be.

Compared to an almost lifetime of despair,
sadness, grief,
and endless chances for disappointment,
that moment feels like nothing.

Oh, how blessed I would be
if I only knew
what waits hereafter.

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